Lunchroom Law

These are a few laws of the lunchroom that I wish more people would abide by. I would formally decree them if I could.

1. You are not allowed to bring in any form of leftover fish and heat it up in the microwave. It’s gross, and inconsiderate of everyone around you who has to smell that re-heated fish stank.

2. Popcorn is allowed, and strongly encouraged if you’re sharing, but do not burn it. It smells like disappointment and takes too long to dissipate.

3. If I’m reading a book or a magazine, it means I don’t want to talk to anyone, so please don’t sit down next to me and strike up a conversation.

4. Please don’t sit down next to me and strike up a conversation. Even if I’m not reading and I’m just staring off into my food, it doesn’t mean, “I’m lonely because no one is sitting with me!” It means I don’t want to talk to anyone. Please respect my space.

5. Don’t leave your leftovers to rot in the fridge. Throw your shit away when you’re done! You are an adult, and no one else should have to clean up after your moldy old foodstuffs or get hit by the brick wall of stench emanating from the fridge because of your forgotten burrito bowl. Gross.

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