This is what I see every morning when I look in the mirror after finally managing to drag myself out of bed at
4:00am 4:30am 5:00am okay FINE, 5:15am. After hitting the snooze button three or four times and lots of grumbling and moaning about the woes of waking up before sunrise, I usually manage to stumble out of bed around 5:15, giving myself just enough time to get dressed, inhale some cereal or toast, brush my teeth, throw some coffee into a mug, and stick my head under the faucet and blowdry my hair so I don’t show up to work looking like Courtney Love. Sometimes I probably still look like the rockerslut Hole queen herself, but believe me that I ALWAYS look like a disgruntled baby dinosaur for at least the first hour that I’m at work because I’m just flat out miserable that I’m not still in my bed.
If I didn’t have to commute 40 minutes to work it wouldn’t be so bad, but as it is I spend the entire drive miserably resenting the fact that there is no traffic because it’s too fucking early for any other cars to even be on the road. A lot of days I literally fear for my life because I’ve come dangerously close to falling asleep at the wheel, and I find myself longingly contemplating pulling my car over and climbing into the backseat and going to sleep on the side of the highway. I’m not even kidding, I’ve seriously considered it, more than once.
I have never been a morning person, and I go back and forth between liking and utterly despising my 6:30-3 shift at work. I loathe waking up to an alarm every morning, and I’m becoming extremely burnt out on being up before the sun and never really getting as much sleep as I’d like to. I can remember during one particularly spoiled phase of my life when I was attending private school, my mom used to literally coax me awake by serving me cinnamon sugar toast in bed every morning. If I had someone to make breakfast for me or and at least to talk to me during the 40 minute drive to make sure that I’m maintaining consciousness then it might be easier to handle, but right now, I’m sick of it.
The other thing is that I haven’t been sleeping very well for the past week or so because I’ve been having these sleep paralysis episodes that are unpleasant, to say the least. If you’ve never experienced sleep paralysis, it’s TERRIFYING. It happens either when you’re falling asleep or first waking up, and I guess it’s basically when your mind is awake even though your body is asleep, so you can sort of see and are sort of aware that you’re awake, but you can’t move at all. It’s also often accompanied by hallucinations, which makes it even more terrifying.
The first time I ever experienced sleep paralysis was during my freshman year of college when I woke up in the middle of the night and was absolutely sure that the blurry figure of a ghost was sitting on the foot of my bed, preventing me from moving or opening my mouth to scream. It felt like there was this weight pressing down on me and paralyzing me on my bed, and I was still groggy with sleep and unable to focus on the hazy figure sitting near my feet. When I finally snapped out of it and the figure vanished, I was sufficiently creeped out, and my roommate thought our dorm building was haunted for weeks after that, until she did some research on it and found out that it was probably sleep paralysis and not a supernatural encounter. Knowing what it is makes it a lot easier to recover from when I finally regain the ability to move, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying when it’s actually happening. Over the past two weeks I’ve had at least three or four episodes, and honestly, I’ve had just about enough of that.
So that’s why I elected to go to bed at 11pm last night so that I could sleep for 12 straight hours and be, for once, fully refreshed and ready to attack the day. It’s pathetic that it takes 12 hours for me to feel rested. I mean, it doesn’t really, but sometimes I just like to sleep for half the day, which I think is justifiable because I need to make up for the fact that I usually only get around 5 hours of sleep on the weeknights. Ugh.
Do you ever have lucid dreams? That’s something that happens to me regularly. Lucid dreaming is when you’re dreaming and you’re aware of the fact that you’re dreaming, which sometimes allows you to control things within the dream. Whenever I’m having a lucid dream I pretty much always make myself fly, which is one of the best things about dreaming. Also, if I’m having a nightmare and I realize that I’m dreaming, I can make myself wake up, which comes in handy. I’ve always thought dreams were fascinating- it’s strange to think that even when your body sleeps, your mind never stops moving.
On an unrelated note, you guys should follow Dressed to Chill with bloglovin if you have it, cause I just joined. Yaaaaaay….